I believe this quote should be my life motto. Well, at least my dating life.
I am a lover of what is, not because I’m a spiritual person, but because it hurts when I argue with reality.
– Byron Katie
I have a poster hanging in the back of my classroom with the Buddhist Eight Fold Path printed on it. The first step on the poster is “Right View.” When I teach Buddhism and the Eight Fold Path to my students as part of the curriculum for ancient India and China, I tell my students that “Right View” is all about seeing and accepting the world as it truly is at that moment. This quote speaks directly to “Right View.” Seeing and accepting things as they are at the present moment.
Now, before you start rolling your eyes or asking me about changing your lot in life, that is not what I’m referring to. I can discuss that in a later post. Even if you do want to change your life for the better, the first step is to recognize where you are now and own it.
With that being said, I am really quite good at seeing life as it is at this moment. My issue comes with accepting it as it is. I see that I am 38 years old. But, I don’t feel 38, I don’t look 38, and I don’t act like many 38 year olds I know. The worst comes with my dating life. I look for younger guys that are skinny and (in my eyes) attractive. And, I have had quite a few that found me intriguing and attractive in return. This wouldn’t be such an issue if the reality of 38 was a fact that I accepted. Often, when younger guys learn my age, even if we’ve hit it it off, things abruptly end. Or, I often realize, too late, that our match was purely based on physical attractiveness (yes, I know it should have been obvious). Mentally I feel 23, so what’s the problem with dating a 22 year old?
At this point you may be ready to throw a barrage of comments my way about the appropriateness of dating in my age range. I promise, I’ve heard it all before. As I’ve said, I see my reality, my issue is accepting it. I know in my head that younger guys aren’t ready for what I want, even if they profess that they are. I’m ready for a partnership, stability, and as one friend’s mother called it, my “forever friend.” I know that I have a better likelihood of winning the MegaBall jackpot that I do of finding what I want with someone nearly half my age. (I don’t even play the lottery.)
As we all know, the definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting a different result. Well, I’m here to tell you that I am insane according to Einstein’s definition. It’s literally like I can’t help myself. The Law of Attraction states that we are drawn to what we focus our minds upon. Likewise, those things are drawn to us. So, it’s easy to get lost in reality when I look for younger and younger is placed in front of me. I have to admit though, my head is hurting from all of the banging it does against the wall of frustration this insanity builds.
The time has come for me to work on the acceptance part of “Right View.” I know I am 38, now it’s time for me to accept that fact. I know I am barking up the wrong love tree. It’s time for this 38 year old dog to accept he needs to change trees. Love is…there waiting for me. Life is great and I am ready to live it with the full recognition and acceptance of who I am. I am ready to move forward minus the baggage of insanity I have been dragging with me for years. I am ready to accept my “Right View” of life.
Oh yeah, one last question…does anyone know how I begin?