As you may have noticed (or the bruise to my ego is more likely that it has gone unnoticed by all but me) I’ve allowed my writing to fall by the wayside. What has become more disheartening to me is that my spiritual practice has also fallen into obscurity as well.
This didn’t register with me right away. I slowly became aware of my non-existent practice gradually. Ironically, in conversations with others, I had convinced myself that it was in full swing. But, of course, this was not true. I always find it amusing how the Universe finds ways of pointing out your hypocrisy.
When I was fully engaged in my yoga practice (3-4 times a week) and sitting nightly for meditation I was rarely angry, I had a consistent feeling of peace, and I was much thinner. But, slowly, I started going to yoga less and less, mediation became a thing of the past, and I have creeped back up past the 200lb mark.
It has been anger and discontent that have been the most telling signs of my fallen away spiritual practice. It is, as always, most telling when I’m driving. I freely admit that I inherited my father’s lack of patience, especially behind the wheel of a car. But, it has multiplied to the nth degree in the past few months. I find myself screaming at drivers for the most ridiculous reasons. How dare they drive the speed limit. How dare they pull out in front of me. Could they possibly go any slower as they make that turn? I often feel that these actions are taken against me personally (yes, my ego is highly inflated as a result of not practicing).
I can no longer ignore the signals the Universe is throwing my direction. This week I decided to take back my life and reignite my spiritual practice. No more excuses. No more, “maybe tomorrow.” It is time for me to take control. I refuse to allow myself to continue wallowing in anger, discontentment, and depression. Let the journey back begin now.